I miss you. Did you know that? I'm so mad at you for doing this to me, yet I know when you come back i'll act like nothing is wrong. Just because you mean that much to me. You're putting me through hell here.
Bowling was just blah. I don't want to go to the EX. I'm so nervous and so scared, it's terrible. I want to die.
I'm also really mad at myself for not trying to lose weight sooner. I mean, dude, if I ate 1000 calories a day and walked every other day starting last December, i'd be smaller then I ever wanted to be by now. But i'm too much of a fatass. al;skfjalsfj
I'm going to hide in my room and look at skinny people all day tomorrow. I'm so completely done being this gross. fuck.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
fml.
I hate you.
Uhm, yeah. I didn't want to talk to you, either. Thanks for not signing on, asshole.
Bowling tomorrow. woo -.-
I feel gross, ugly, fat, ugly, fat, pathetic. I'm fat. I'm gross. I'm disgusting. I need to go die. Seriously. I'd be doing everyone else a favor by leaving. Then no one would have to look at me again.
Adviladvildadvil, where are you when I need you? :/
Uhm, yeah. I didn't want to talk to you, either. Thanks for not signing on, asshole.
Bowling tomorrow. woo -.-
I feel gross, ugly, fat, ugly, fat, pathetic. I'm fat. I'm gross. I'm disgusting. I need to go die. Seriously. I'd be doing everyone else a favor by leaving. Then no one would have to look at me again.
Adviladvildadvil, where are you when I need you? :/
I think tonight was okay.
When Sky gets back we have to have a talk about the 'concepts of life'. Can't fucking wait -.-
You know what really pisses me off? Hes like, three years older. And thinks he knows everything. like no. shutup. You might be older, might have gone through more things then me, he might know more about stuff, but jesus i'm not five fucking years old. I've gone through shit to. It's just shit he's never gone through.
And that shit made me fucking mature for my age.
Anyways, I dyed my hair today. It looks epic. I like it. 'sept my sister left out a piece -.- so it's like redredredredBROWNredred. it's really red though. Justwhatiwanted.
Now, if i lost like 5000000 pounds, i'd be even happier.
I'm getting my nose peirced on the 15th. Apparently it hurts like a bitch. My sister had gotten like everything pierced (nojoke) and she said that hurts the most. woo. :/
l;akjdfklajdfkl fuckmylife. I need more advil. I sorta ran out... and I dont want to take anymore of the pills in the kitchen. My mom will start to notice.
I hate you but I miss you. So, so much. somuch.
You know what really pisses me off? Hes like, three years older. And thinks he knows everything. like no. shutup. You might be older, might have gone through more things then me, he might know more about stuff, but jesus i'm not five fucking years old. I've gone through shit to. It's just shit he's never gone through.
And that shit made me fucking mature for my age.
Anyways, I dyed my hair today. It looks epic. I like it. 'sept my sister left out a piece -.- so it's like redredredredBROWNredred. it's really red though. Justwhatiwanted.
Now, if i lost like 5000000 pounds, i'd be even happier.
I'm getting my nose peirced on the 15th. Apparently it hurts like a bitch. My sister had gotten like everything pierced (nojoke) and she said that hurts the most. woo. :/
l;akjdfklajdfkl fuckmylife. I need more advil. I sorta ran out... and I dont want to take anymore of the pills in the kitchen. My mom will start to notice.
I hate you but I miss you. So, so much. somuch.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Shh, let's just pretend I got back today.
I completely forgot about this. I fail. I've been back for almost two weeks. Orginally I was supposed to get back... on the first. I'm extremely glad i came home early. Two weeks = way too long.
Akfjaklfj so my life has been fucked up since I got home. I just feel terrible about everything. Everythign is going wrong, i'm losing everyone. I just feel like dying.
I miss Miles. A lot. Seems weird that hes.. gone. Forever. Not coming back. He was incredible. Strong. I still don't get how he could have... gone through with it. That he was thinking it. I talked to him the night before. He was... perfectly fine. alkdfjajl;fk another poly death I can blame on myself. Joy -.-
& then theres Mr. Kyle. We were together for... over 13 months. And of course I had to fuck it up with lying. I guess, thats what I get for being so immature about all of it. I was just scared. I mean, yes, it's been serious since the begining. That one little comment changed everything. :/ but tbh, if we ever got anymore serious, I don't think i'd be able to handle it. I'm not.. ready for that mature of a relationship. I mean, dude, i've been in ONE real life relationship, and I would hardly even call that a relationship. It was a couple of awkward dates. He wouldn't even hold my hand or kiss me.
Annnnd the worst of it all. Him. Fucking up my relationship with Steven, completely crushing any chance I had at getting better for the near future. You know I have no trust in ANYONE anymore, right? Not even my best friends? My family? Him? Fuckyou. I had a feeling you didn't actually like me, thats not what hurt the most. It hurt more that you knew how I felt, yet you still thought it was funny. You knew about my self harm, my eating disorder, fucked up thoughts. My secrets. And you go and pull that kind of shit. Not to mention ruining an ic relationship. Proud? I'm completely broken because of you.
On a happier note, I feel like i've lost my boyfriend. woot. How fun! :/
fuckmylife.
Akfjaklfj so my life has been fucked up since I got home. I just feel terrible about everything. Everythign is going wrong, i'm losing everyone. I just feel like dying.
I miss Miles. A lot. Seems weird that hes.. gone. Forever. Not coming back. He was incredible. Strong. I still don't get how he could have... gone through with it. That he was thinking it. I talked to him the night before. He was... perfectly fine. alkdfjajl;fk another poly death I can blame on myself. Joy -.-
& then theres Mr. Kyle. We were together for... over 13 months. And of course I had to fuck it up with lying. I guess, thats what I get for being so immature about all of it. I was just scared. I mean, yes, it's been serious since the begining. That one little comment changed everything. :/ but tbh, if we ever got anymore serious, I don't think i'd be able to handle it. I'm not.. ready for that mature of a relationship. I mean, dude, i've been in ONE real life relationship, and I would hardly even call that a relationship. It was a couple of awkward dates. He wouldn't even hold my hand or kiss me.
Annnnd the worst of it all. Him. Fucking up my relationship with Steven, completely crushing any chance I had at getting better for the near future. You know I have no trust in ANYONE anymore, right? Not even my best friends? My family? Him? Fuckyou. I had a feeling you didn't actually like me, thats not what hurt the most. It hurt more that you knew how I felt, yet you still thought it was funny. You knew about my self harm, my eating disorder, fucked up thoughts. My secrets. And you go and pull that kind of shit. Not to mention ruining an ic relationship. Proud? I'm completely broken because of you.
On a happier note, I feel like i've lost my boyfriend. woot. How fun! :/
fuckmylife.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)