I completely forgot about this. I fail. I've been back for almost two weeks. Orginally I was supposed to get back... on the first. I'm extremely glad i came home early. Two weeks = way too long.
Akfjaklfj so my life has been fucked up since I got home. I just feel terrible about everything. Everythign is going wrong, i'm losing everyone. I just feel like dying.
I miss Miles. A lot. Seems weird that hes.. gone. Forever. Not coming back. He was incredible. Strong. I still don't get how he could have... gone through with it. That he was thinking it. I talked to him the night before. He was... perfectly fine. alkdfjajl;fk another poly death I can blame on myself. Joy -.-
& then theres Mr. Kyle. We were together for... over 13 months. And of course I had to fuck it up with lying. I guess, thats what I get for being so immature about all of it. I was just scared. I mean, yes, it's been serious since the begining. That one little comment changed everything. :/ but tbh, if we ever got anymore serious, I don't think i'd be able to handle it. I'm not.. ready for that mature of a relationship. I mean, dude, i've been in ONE real life relationship, and I would hardly even call that a relationship. It was a couple of awkward dates. He wouldn't even hold my hand or kiss me.
Annnnd the worst of it all. Him. Fucking up my relationship with Steven, completely crushing any chance I had at getting better for the near future. You know I have no trust in ANYONE anymore, right? Not even my best friends? My family? Him? Fuckyou. I had a feeling you didn't actually like me, thats not what hurt the most. It hurt more that you knew how I felt, yet you still thought it was funny. You knew about my self harm, my eating disorder, fucked up thoughts. My secrets. And you go and pull that kind of shit. Not to mention ruining an ic relationship. Proud? I'm completely broken because of you.
On a happier note, I feel like i've lost my boyfriend. woot. How fun! :/
fuckmylife.
No comments:
Post a Comment