I need to go back a couple months.

I shouldnt have let anyone in. I should have kept it all a secret. I wish he didnt know anything. I wish I didnt take those pictures. I wish, I wish, I wish. That's all I can do, because he knows, and those pictutres are sent. To be honest, I wouldnt be suprised if he was on their side, trying to completely ruin my life.

It's like, after being a college student for a night, you're completely different. I wish I could take back May, and talk to you. I'm going to miss you. But I think i've already lost you.

I wasnt mad at you, V, for stalking my FB. I wasn't even mad about you being a creep and adding my friends, but jesus christ, did you REALLY have to add and talk to HIM? The one guy, you KNOW means a hell of a lot to me. I can't believe you did that.

Alright, look. I do take things to hard. I'm too dramatic, I try to hard. I tell people too much. But fuck. I do it because no one in my rl actually care anymore. So please, just tell me you care. That you're here for me. No matter what.

Four more days, then I have a week off. I'm actually excited for the first time in forever. Fuck you guys.

When does College start?

We only have a couple of nights left together, before you're off to College. Before you meet people, before you fall in love with some girl who actually deserves you. Will we still talk once you start your new life? Before you leave everying else? Are you scared? Do you regret talking to me? Last night, you said to me, "if you can figure someone out, it's friendship. if you don't understand someone, it's love." When I asked if this was love, you said it was something I had to find out. How can I do that when we have less then a month left together? I hate that we didnt start talking again sooner. That I waited till he broke my heart again, that I blamed it on you. You are absolutely the only guy I have ever talked to that i'm comfortable around. I can say whatever I want, and you still love me for it. I'm going to miss you, S. So, so much. Please remember me when you're a famous writer somewhere, making all your dreams come true.
I promise you, your wish will come true. I will make sure it happens. I'm working on it. <3

3:55 AM.

I have never known how to start these things. Do I just randomly start talking? Or do I, as we were taught in English class, begin with a starting paragraph? To be honest, those things pissed me off. Why explain what you're writing about before you do so? They'll figure it out eventually. If not- they're idiots.

Anyways, i'm extremely tired. Today was long. I woke up at noon, by my mother stomping around in the kitchen. When I woke up, I ate 3 pancakes. FAIL. I ouldn't see out of my right eye. Even better! Today started out just wonderful. Turns out I had a mini sty on my top eyelid. Fml. Spent my day eating, complaining and talking to him.

So i'm starting a fast tomorrow. 47 hours. Think I can do it? Probably not. Ah well, I'm going to try. I have to give him pictures in a couple of weeks, so i'm done screwing around. I'm going to lose 20 pounds. Yuup.